Post by perpro on Apr 26, 2010 0:28:10 GMT -5
Hello,
I want to make it clear to the reader that I am not a mental health or legal professional. I am a father who has tried to rationalize the emotional trauma inflicted on my children and family. It is out of my inability to protect my children, as their father, that I share my story. It is based on actual events, encounters and discussions with other individuals sharing similar experiences and informal interviews conducted with mental health care providers, attorneys and judges.
I happened upon this website, attempting to locate successful family court perjury convictions. Specifically, I was trying to determine what happened in the, "San Diego D.A going after perjury in Family Court “case. If anyone has any information on this case or any similar cases, I would appreciate the information.
My subject line is based on the fact that I believe that there is little hope in reforming the process regarding family law matters. Additionally, you cannot exclude the need to reform the mental health field that is intricately connected to family law. Members from both groups, including attorneys, judges, psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers agree, the process is flawed. If you look at your local city/county law center, you are likely to find support services to:
* Educate divorcing parents
* Assist in family conflict
* Support children of divorce that are experiencing emotional trauma
* Protect victims of "real" domestic and/or sexual abuse
Don't take these statements as defense of the process; however it demonstrates a desire to serve the public. However, I am reasonably certain that these services are under-utilized and/or never utilized by the overwhelming majority of divorcing parents. I think that with few exceptions, the judicial process as it relates to family matters is built on a legal foundation to preserve justice. It is too easy to point the finger at the judicial system, however, I believe that many look at this process unrealistically and mistake misuse as corruption and/or requiring reform.
Consider these issues related to the legal process of divorcing or divorced families:
1. The majority of people entering the process are encouraged to do so individually; to protect their rights. It is obvious that an adversarial role is initiated by the parties.
2. The court has no interest in raising your, mine or any child.
3. The legal process has no regard to the mother, father and or child(ren) in a divorce or custody proceeding.
4. The legal premise of "in the best interest of the child" is consistent in virtually every legal decision and/or judgment.
5. The legal community is all about the process, motions, judgments, decisions, and legal instruments...It is not about people.
By virtue of being in court, a conflict between the child’s parents is created and/or intensified. Children don’t want their parents in conflict. Litigants have to ask themselves, “Whose interest is being served”? Most lawyers will encourage their client to exercise their right and seek justice in the courts. Most judges have seen and heard it all. In truth, most lawyers and judges alike see most, but not all of these legal proceedings as two obligatory individuals unable to raise their children. They are right! If the contrary were true, then divorced parents would collaboratively raise the children as they had before their divorce.
The issue that I have with this process is the adversarial relationship is typically continued for years after a divorce. The dependence on the courts to raise the child is evidenced every day, in every court room and in every judicial district throughout our country. Even accepting that this adversarial posture is necessary for divorcing couples, not of sound mind and in emotional prison, is it appropriate for the court to believe that a four hour parenting course required before a divorce is granted, sufficient?
Consider these issues related to mental health care and divorcing or divorced families:
1. Mental health care providers will openly admit when dealing with children of divorce, their primary objective is help the child cope with his/her environment.
2. Divorcing parents typically seek out mental health care support separately to address the emotional turmoil they experience. This type of therapy generally targets personal self-worth, self image, regaining optimism, etc. Again, this is a method of coping within the existing environment.
3. Mom, dad and child(ren) are all focused on themselves and learning how to cope within their environment. Unless parents participate in collaborative counseling they are less likely to identify and address the issues and/or problems facing them.
4. Children are thrown into counseling, but it is the parents’ dysfunction not theirs, that elevates this need in the first place.
Simply stated the problem is that the "problem" causing the emotional turmoil (parental conflict) is typically not addressed. Further, the adversarial nature experienced by most families going through divorce, is mirrored in this process as well.
From my perspective, parents, health care providers and the legal community define "best interest of the child" differently. Women typically perceive this concept with a degree of bias. Societal influences predicate that because they delivered the child, their bond is more prevalent. No one can know what is in the best interest of their child better than the birth mother. While children recognize the uniqueness of a mother’s love, they openly acknowledge that it doesn’t supersede the role of their father. How many children openly admit that they love their mothers more than their father? Or, one parent more than the other? It is naive for anyone not to recognize that this underlying inequality exists in the minds of many women. Men and their rights are second to women and her rights, as it relates to children, in their mind. This is no different than similar influences and beliefs that men are the head of their households. Both ideations are preposterous! I believe that the incongruity relative to how parents, psychologists and judges define "best interest" of the child, lead to the majority of the issues facing our children today.
I find myself in a position no better than I was when I divorced. Settling for no less than equally sharing physical and legal custody of my son, I have been very fortunate to be actively involved in his life. However, my son, age 13, is worse off as supported by the following significant life changes:
1. He does not have both of his parents in his life
2. He is estranged from his siblings
3. He is intentionally brought into the parental conflict.
4. He has been influenced to participate in these conflicts
5. He has been forced to take a side
6. His behavior is not only delinquent but is illegal
7. He has acted out at home, in school, and public without regard to consequence.
8. He is not being treated for a disorder that will only exacerbate his struggles.
9. His formative development is at risk of dysfunction
10. He will internalize an emotional burden that will most certainly surface as an adult.
Aren’t we as parents suppose to protect our children? Isn’t our role as parents to influence our children of the virtues of respect, love, grace, dignity, honor, and integrity? Despite our personal feelings toward our ex, isn’t it important and beneficial for our child to have relationships with both parents? Isn’t it the obligation of each parent to ensure that the child has this? Don’t our child benefit, as reasonably possible, to have consistent expectations, disciplines and values?
Yes! Yes! Yes and Yes! However, I have not seen or spoken to my son since before Christmas. While, there is no legal basis for me to exercise my court mandated custody of my son, there is no moral basis for the unconscionable and deplorable influence my ex’s influence has had on him. The last three years have a legal farce and unduly influenced an innocent participant.
My ex-wife has manipulated the legal process by bringing forward three separate Orders of Protection, two against me and one against my current wife of seven years. My ex has attempted to do everything in her ability to disrupt our family. Truthfully, her spiteful actions have affected our family. Without exception, the real victims are my children. Her deplorable actions have alienated my son from me, his stepmom and his siblings. What is most disturbing is that my ex refuses to allow my son to be treated for his Asperger's disorder. She simply won't allow herself to accept that he suffers from this condition, despite two child psychologists affirming this diagnosis. Unless treated, he is likely to carry forward this alienation because Asperger’s limits the ability to empathize with others (considered the most dysfunctional aspect of the disorder).
I have learned that the legal process has vulnerabilities. Anyone can make any claim about their ex or anyone for that matter. As long as there is an attorney willing to bring the allegations to court, it will continue. Unsettling is that attorneys and judges know that it is being done and there is little they can or are willing to do to stop it. My ex brought four bogus legal challenges forward; none have been before a judge. This is a process of what I like to refer to as, “growing the commerce” called family law. However, family is defined as a unit, traditional or otherwise, with interrelated entities. The concept of “unit” is often disregarded with emphasis directed to individuals in the courts.
The mistake I made was that I believed that by not utilizing the system to address my ex’s violations and filing contempt motions at the onset of her attacks, best served my son. My goal was to end the conflict. I went so far as offered additional finances when she complained that she could no longer afford contributing to my son's expenses. My actions were against the advice of my attorney. But, I thought that my actions would be taken as a gesture of good faith. I thought that she would stop raising conflict, for the benefit of my son. I was sadly mistaken.
I placed my ideal of "best interest" for my son above everything else. Because of the incongruous value system that exists within the parties involved, my ex screwed me, not the family law process. She screwed me because she didn't stop. She kept coming at me, and each time I had to hire an attorney to defend my honor. I did not make concessions as I did that first time, her motions were without basis and dismissed. Nonetheless, I don’t feel vindicated or believe that I won anything. What I really feel is that I have unwillingly helped grow the commerce of family law. I am done!
There is no justice:
• With an ex who believes that her frivolous actions are in the best interest of our child.
• With limitless attorneys that have no understanding of what my son’s best interest are and in reality don’t care.
• With my attorney’s lack of fortitude to innovate an end to the conflict. Each time my ex raised these frivolous legal challenges, my attorney stated, “if she does this again, we will address it with the judge". But, it never got to the judge.
• For a child that has turned away from his father’s love and a family that misses the boy they once knew.
I will seek justice the only way I know how. I will take ownership of bringing the truth before the court and demanding a fair and equitable resolve. I will attempt to expose my ex, and her despicable character. I just am not going to pay an attorney thousands of dollars to do it. I am no longer going to grow the commerce of family law.
This past Wednesday, I stood before the judge and indicated that I will be representing myself. A trial is set for June 11, 2010 whereby I will not only and finally defend myself in front of a judge, but will also bring forward a contempt of court motion and a motion to modify the dissolution of marriage agreement. Fortunately, the GAL is sensitive to the issues confronting my son, having dealt with our file the last three years.
I am not without professional help. My brother who has been a trial lawyer for the last 33 years (lives in another state) and a friend in my community are providing me with the assistance so that my motions follow court guidelines and I conduct myself in the court room with minimal embarrassment. By no means do I think that I am a lawyer, however I know that no attorney will do the work that I am prepared to do or deliver my message in court as convincingly as I believe I can.
Additionally, I am filing a claim in small claims court as well as a claim in civil court for damages relating to perjury and subornation of perjury. I am also in the process of taking my case to the District Attorney. I can substantiate my claim that my ex has repeatedly and willfully committed perjury in legal instruments and proceedings. Further, I can substantiate a subornation of perjury by my ex, and her obsession with bringing harm to me and my family. Whether or not I am successful in any of these matters, I have nothing to lose. At this point, unless I am able to expose my ex and the nature of her actions, my son may exalt this behavior as appropriate. A bully can only exploit their victim so many times, until they finally fight back.
If anyone finds any value in this message I hope that these points are clear:
1. If you settle for anything less than an equal share of physical and legal custody at the onset of your divorce, it is unlikely that you will ever get it.
2. Any family issue agreed upon and included in a legal judgment is binding and the court will vigorous protect the law...even before or at the expense of your child's well-being. Remember, that in general, attorneys know that most issues will be resolved before ever getting before a judge. Men are wired to negotiate and will more often make erroneous concessions. Women are wired differently. They are less likely to concede anything of substance. If your gut tells you that an issue is unfair, don’t cave in. If it becomes part of legal instrument governing the relationship with your child, you will have to live with it.
3. The legal process does nothing to help your children (in most cases) but ultimately harms them because of the conflict it creates between the child's parents.
4. The first time you are faced with a bogus allegation from your ex, fight it as if your child’s well-being depends on it. If you don't, it will. Remember, my ex gained a false sense of power by being able to manipulate the process without consequence.
5. The process isn't screwing you, your ex is. Educate yourself and leverage the process better than your ex. Know enough about the law and the process to manage your attorney. He or she works for you.
I am attempting to gain as much exposure to my plight to uncover the challenges that many of us are facing and particularly how children are are affected by it. I am working to gain exposure through the local media, family law reform groups, and internet discussion groups. I appreciate your support and ability to help me spread my message. Ultimately, it is more likely that the reform we seek, will come from divorcing/divorced parents with an enhanced awareness and understanding that the best interest of our children is for their mom and dad not to fight. Serve this interest and what is now the rule in family law, becomes the exception. The family law legal process can appropriately deal with these exceptions and negates the need to overhaul a process establish with “good” intentions.
St. Louis County, Missouri
I want to make it clear to the reader that I am not a mental health or legal professional. I am a father who has tried to rationalize the emotional trauma inflicted on my children and family. It is out of my inability to protect my children, as their father, that I share my story. It is based on actual events, encounters and discussions with other individuals sharing similar experiences and informal interviews conducted with mental health care providers, attorneys and judges.
I happened upon this website, attempting to locate successful family court perjury convictions. Specifically, I was trying to determine what happened in the, "San Diego D.A going after perjury in Family Court “case. If anyone has any information on this case or any similar cases, I would appreciate the information.
My subject line is based on the fact that I believe that there is little hope in reforming the process regarding family law matters. Additionally, you cannot exclude the need to reform the mental health field that is intricately connected to family law. Members from both groups, including attorneys, judges, psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers agree, the process is flawed. If you look at your local city/county law center, you are likely to find support services to:
* Educate divorcing parents
* Assist in family conflict
* Support children of divorce that are experiencing emotional trauma
* Protect victims of "real" domestic and/or sexual abuse
Don't take these statements as defense of the process; however it demonstrates a desire to serve the public. However, I am reasonably certain that these services are under-utilized and/or never utilized by the overwhelming majority of divorcing parents. I think that with few exceptions, the judicial process as it relates to family matters is built on a legal foundation to preserve justice. It is too easy to point the finger at the judicial system, however, I believe that many look at this process unrealistically and mistake misuse as corruption and/or requiring reform.
Consider these issues related to the legal process of divorcing or divorced families:
1. The majority of people entering the process are encouraged to do so individually; to protect their rights. It is obvious that an adversarial role is initiated by the parties.
2. The court has no interest in raising your, mine or any child.
3. The legal process has no regard to the mother, father and or child(ren) in a divorce or custody proceeding.
4. The legal premise of "in the best interest of the child" is consistent in virtually every legal decision and/or judgment.
5. The legal community is all about the process, motions, judgments, decisions, and legal instruments...It is not about people.
By virtue of being in court, a conflict between the child’s parents is created and/or intensified. Children don’t want their parents in conflict. Litigants have to ask themselves, “Whose interest is being served”? Most lawyers will encourage their client to exercise their right and seek justice in the courts. Most judges have seen and heard it all. In truth, most lawyers and judges alike see most, but not all of these legal proceedings as two obligatory individuals unable to raise their children. They are right! If the contrary were true, then divorced parents would collaboratively raise the children as they had before their divorce.
The issue that I have with this process is the adversarial relationship is typically continued for years after a divorce. The dependence on the courts to raise the child is evidenced every day, in every court room and in every judicial district throughout our country. Even accepting that this adversarial posture is necessary for divorcing couples, not of sound mind and in emotional prison, is it appropriate for the court to believe that a four hour parenting course required before a divorce is granted, sufficient?
Consider these issues related to mental health care and divorcing or divorced families:
1. Mental health care providers will openly admit when dealing with children of divorce, their primary objective is help the child cope with his/her environment.
2. Divorcing parents typically seek out mental health care support separately to address the emotional turmoil they experience. This type of therapy generally targets personal self-worth, self image, regaining optimism, etc. Again, this is a method of coping within the existing environment.
3. Mom, dad and child(ren) are all focused on themselves and learning how to cope within their environment. Unless parents participate in collaborative counseling they are less likely to identify and address the issues and/or problems facing them.
4. Children are thrown into counseling, but it is the parents’ dysfunction not theirs, that elevates this need in the first place.
Simply stated the problem is that the "problem" causing the emotional turmoil (parental conflict) is typically not addressed. Further, the adversarial nature experienced by most families going through divorce, is mirrored in this process as well.
From my perspective, parents, health care providers and the legal community define "best interest of the child" differently. Women typically perceive this concept with a degree of bias. Societal influences predicate that because they delivered the child, their bond is more prevalent. No one can know what is in the best interest of their child better than the birth mother. While children recognize the uniqueness of a mother’s love, they openly acknowledge that it doesn’t supersede the role of their father. How many children openly admit that they love their mothers more than their father? Or, one parent more than the other? It is naive for anyone not to recognize that this underlying inequality exists in the minds of many women. Men and their rights are second to women and her rights, as it relates to children, in their mind. This is no different than similar influences and beliefs that men are the head of their households. Both ideations are preposterous! I believe that the incongruity relative to how parents, psychologists and judges define "best interest" of the child, lead to the majority of the issues facing our children today.
I find myself in a position no better than I was when I divorced. Settling for no less than equally sharing physical and legal custody of my son, I have been very fortunate to be actively involved in his life. However, my son, age 13, is worse off as supported by the following significant life changes:
1. He does not have both of his parents in his life
2. He is estranged from his siblings
3. He is intentionally brought into the parental conflict.
4. He has been influenced to participate in these conflicts
5. He has been forced to take a side
6. His behavior is not only delinquent but is illegal
7. He has acted out at home, in school, and public without regard to consequence.
8. He is not being treated for a disorder that will only exacerbate his struggles.
9. His formative development is at risk of dysfunction
10. He will internalize an emotional burden that will most certainly surface as an adult.
Aren’t we as parents suppose to protect our children? Isn’t our role as parents to influence our children of the virtues of respect, love, grace, dignity, honor, and integrity? Despite our personal feelings toward our ex, isn’t it important and beneficial for our child to have relationships with both parents? Isn’t it the obligation of each parent to ensure that the child has this? Don’t our child benefit, as reasonably possible, to have consistent expectations, disciplines and values?
Yes! Yes! Yes and Yes! However, I have not seen or spoken to my son since before Christmas. While, there is no legal basis for me to exercise my court mandated custody of my son, there is no moral basis for the unconscionable and deplorable influence my ex’s influence has had on him. The last three years have a legal farce and unduly influenced an innocent participant.
My ex-wife has manipulated the legal process by bringing forward three separate Orders of Protection, two against me and one against my current wife of seven years. My ex has attempted to do everything in her ability to disrupt our family. Truthfully, her spiteful actions have affected our family. Without exception, the real victims are my children. Her deplorable actions have alienated my son from me, his stepmom and his siblings. What is most disturbing is that my ex refuses to allow my son to be treated for his Asperger's disorder. She simply won't allow herself to accept that he suffers from this condition, despite two child psychologists affirming this diagnosis. Unless treated, he is likely to carry forward this alienation because Asperger’s limits the ability to empathize with others (considered the most dysfunctional aspect of the disorder).
I have learned that the legal process has vulnerabilities. Anyone can make any claim about their ex or anyone for that matter. As long as there is an attorney willing to bring the allegations to court, it will continue. Unsettling is that attorneys and judges know that it is being done and there is little they can or are willing to do to stop it. My ex brought four bogus legal challenges forward; none have been before a judge. This is a process of what I like to refer to as, “growing the commerce” called family law. However, family is defined as a unit, traditional or otherwise, with interrelated entities. The concept of “unit” is often disregarded with emphasis directed to individuals in the courts.
The mistake I made was that I believed that by not utilizing the system to address my ex’s violations and filing contempt motions at the onset of her attacks, best served my son. My goal was to end the conflict. I went so far as offered additional finances when she complained that she could no longer afford contributing to my son's expenses. My actions were against the advice of my attorney. But, I thought that my actions would be taken as a gesture of good faith. I thought that she would stop raising conflict, for the benefit of my son. I was sadly mistaken.
I placed my ideal of "best interest" for my son above everything else. Because of the incongruous value system that exists within the parties involved, my ex screwed me, not the family law process. She screwed me because she didn't stop. She kept coming at me, and each time I had to hire an attorney to defend my honor. I did not make concessions as I did that first time, her motions were without basis and dismissed. Nonetheless, I don’t feel vindicated or believe that I won anything. What I really feel is that I have unwillingly helped grow the commerce of family law. I am done!
There is no justice:
• With an ex who believes that her frivolous actions are in the best interest of our child.
• With limitless attorneys that have no understanding of what my son’s best interest are and in reality don’t care.
• With my attorney’s lack of fortitude to innovate an end to the conflict. Each time my ex raised these frivolous legal challenges, my attorney stated, “if she does this again, we will address it with the judge". But, it never got to the judge.
• For a child that has turned away from his father’s love and a family that misses the boy they once knew.
I will seek justice the only way I know how. I will take ownership of bringing the truth before the court and demanding a fair and equitable resolve. I will attempt to expose my ex, and her despicable character. I just am not going to pay an attorney thousands of dollars to do it. I am no longer going to grow the commerce of family law.
This past Wednesday, I stood before the judge and indicated that I will be representing myself. A trial is set for June 11, 2010 whereby I will not only and finally defend myself in front of a judge, but will also bring forward a contempt of court motion and a motion to modify the dissolution of marriage agreement. Fortunately, the GAL is sensitive to the issues confronting my son, having dealt with our file the last three years.
I am not without professional help. My brother who has been a trial lawyer for the last 33 years (lives in another state) and a friend in my community are providing me with the assistance so that my motions follow court guidelines and I conduct myself in the court room with minimal embarrassment. By no means do I think that I am a lawyer, however I know that no attorney will do the work that I am prepared to do or deliver my message in court as convincingly as I believe I can.
Additionally, I am filing a claim in small claims court as well as a claim in civil court for damages relating to perjury and subornation of perjury. I am also in the process of taking my case to the District Attorney. I can substantiate my claim that my ex has repeatedly and willfully committed perjury in legal instruments and proceedings. Further, I can substantiate a subornation of perjury by my ex, and her obsession with bringing harm to me and my family. Whether or not I am successful in any of these matters, I have nothing to lose. At this point, unless I am able to expose my ex and the nature of her actions, my son may exalt this behavior as appropriate. A bully can only exploit their victim so many times, until they finally fight back.
If anyone finds any value in this message I hope that these points are clear:
1. If you settle for anything less than an equal share of physical and legal custody at the onset of your divorce, it is unlikely that you will ever get it.
2. Any family issue agreed upon and included in a legal judgment is binding and the court will vigorous protect the law...even before or at the expense of your child's well-being. Remember, that in general, attorneys know that most issues will be resolved before ever getting before a judge. Men are wired to negotiate and will more often make erroneous concessions. Women are wired differently. They are less likely to concede anything of substance. If your gut tells you that an issue is unfair, don’t cave in. If it becomes part of legal instrument governing the relationship with your child, you will have to live with it.
3. The legal process does nothing to help your children (in most cases) but ultimately harms them because of the conflict it creates between the child's parents.
4. The first time you are faced with a bogus allegation from your ex, fight it as if your child’s well-being depends on it. If you don't, it will. Remember, my ex gained a false sense of power by being able to manipulate the process without consequence.
5. The process isn't screwing you, your ex is. Educate yourself and leverage the process better than your ex. Know enough about the law and the process to manage your attorney. He or she works for you.
I am attempting to gain as much exposure to my plight to uncover the challenges that many of us are facing and particularly how children are are affected by it. I am working to gain exposure through the local media, family law reform groups, and internet discussion groups. I appreciate your support and ability to help me spread my message. Ultimately, it is more likely that the reform we seek, will come from divorcing/divorced parents with an enhanced awareness and understanding that the best interest of our children is for their mom and dad not to fight. Serve this interest and what is now the rule in family law, becomes the exception. The family law legal process can appropriately deal with these exceptions and negates the need to overhaul a process establish with “good” intentions.
St. Louis County, Missouri