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Post by LovingFather on Mar 12, 2009 15:27:19 GMT -5
I am a 37 y.o. father of two wonderful children, my boy is 6 and my daughter is 9. My boy is biologically mine and i currently pay child support to his mother for him and I have partial custody of him (all legal). My daughter, on the other hand, is not biologically mine. Her mother and I became friends when she was 8 months pregnant with her and we began to date soon before she was born. Her real father was in jail at the time and denied that the child was his, and still does to this day. No support has ever been paid by him and he was never listed on the birth cert. Her mother and I began a 6 year long relationship in which I helped raise the girl (my daughter) and also her brother when he was born. The girl is the only daughter I know and I am the only father that she knows. Although there was nothing legal stating that I had parental rights to the girl, we treated her as though I did, and still do today. it's been about 4 years since I've been broken up with their mother (we were never married), and things always tend to get rocky at times between us, though we try very hard not to let it affect the children. Anyway, we had a huge fight recently and she has told me that she's not letting me see my daughter anymore and on the weekends and days my son comes with me, my daughter isn't allowed to anymore. She has threatened this numerous times in the past, but I told myself this time that I need to do something to stop her from doing this because it is beginning to take a mental toll on my daughter. I'm afraid for my daughter's mental and emotional well being, as well as her relationship with her brother and I as it relates to the times that we are together. My question is, is there any thing I can do as far as seeking parental rights for my daughter even though, biologically, she's not mine? Her real father is not anywhere in her life, I've been with her since birth, 9 years ans she is as much a part of my family as my 2 sisters' and brother's children are. She's viewed as an equal grandchild by my parents and the word "step" has never been used anywhere in the family. I just want to do something to prevent her mother from keeping her away from me every time she feels the need to. As I stated before, it is really taking a mental and emotional toll on my daughter, and she doesn't deserve it. Her mother is not a bad mother, but she tends to get spiteful towards me and seems to use my daughter against me. It's hurting us both, and other people in the family as well. PLEASE HELP. If anyone can offer any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
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Post by Jim on Mar 13, 2009 6:07:06 GMT -5
I am a 37 y.o. father of two wonderful children, my boy is 6 and my daughter is 9. My boy is biologically mine and i currently pay child support to his mother for him and I have partial custody of him (all legal). My daughter, on the other hand, is not biologically mine. Her mother and I became friends when she was 8 months pregnant with her and we began to date soon before she was born. Her real father was in jail at the time and denied that the child was his, and still does to this day. No support has ever been paid by him and he was never listed on the birth cert. Her mother and I began a 6 year long relationship in which I helped raise the girl (my daughter) and also her brother when he was born. The girl is the only daughter I know and I am the only father that she knows. Although there was nothing legal stating that I had parental rights to the girl, we treated her as though I did, and still do today. it's been about 4 years since I've been broken up with their mother (we were never married), and things always tend to get rocky at times between us, though we try very hard not to let it affect the children. Anyway, we had a huge fight recently and she has told me that she's not letting me see my daughter anymore and on the weekends and days my son comes with me, my daughter isn't allowed to anymore. She has threatened this numerous times in the past, but I told myself this time that I need to do something to stop her from doing this because it is beginning to take a mental toll on my daughter. I'm afraid for my daughter's mental and emotional well being, as well as her relationship with her brother and I as it relates to the times that we are together. My question is, is there any thing I can do as far as seeking parental rights for my daughter even though, biologically, she's not mine? Her real father is not anywhere in her life, I've been with her since birth, 9 years ans she is as much a part of my family as my 2 sisters' and brother's children are. She's viewed as an equal grandchild by my parents and the word "step" has never been used anywhere in the family. I just want to do something to prevent her mother from keeping her away from me every time she feels the need to. As I stated before, it is really taking a mental and emotional toll on my daughter, and she doesn't deserve it. Her mother is not a bad mother, but she tends to get spiteful towards me and seems to use my daughter against me. It's hurting us both, and other people in the family as well. PLEASE HELP. If anyone can offer any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you. It is to my understanding that you basically have no legal standing or rights because you are not the biological father, nor have you went through the adoption/legal process to gain parental rights of this child. This is sad as it sounds as if you this little girl needs you as her father and the mother is being very selfish and vindictive about it. I don't know what state you are in which there may be cases and caselaw pertaining to this type of situation with other families that may help. It sounds to me as if a precedent has been established and it is not in the best interest of the child to be cut out of her only known father's life, yet legally you have no rights. Rallying all the extended family together in court may be an option to gain parental rights, but by the sounds of the mother that would take her tool away from her to use against you. She is sick to use this child in this manner but I know it first hand and know of thousands of others who have been in similar situations with vindictive hateful sick parents. It will be a battle in my opinion with the mother being a selfish pig and vindictive child abuser and alienator. Maybe some other members or guests can jump in on this one with some other options or advice....
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Post by BertaSue on Mar 13, 2009 10:48:47 GMT -5
FramedFather, I was working on an answer for LovingFather. Just needed a little time to consult with a friend of mine who is a paralegal in WA. It's important to know what state you live in LovingFather? Different states reconize different laws.
In this scenario, you have become a psychological parent to this child. Your case would fall under the Doctine of Parens Patriae. You became a de facto parent. Here's an excerpt of case law out of Washington State regarding a similar situation.
In Washington, a de facto parent stands in legal parity with an otherwise legal parent, and recognition of de facto parent status necessarily “‘authorizes court to consider an award of parental rights and responsibilities . . . based on its determination of the best interest of the child.’” L.B., 155 Wn.2d at 708 (quoting C.E.W. v. D.E.W., 2004 ME 43, 845 A.2d 1146, 1152.
To show that one is a de facto parent requires:
(1) the natural or legal parent consented to and fostered the parent-like relationship,
(2) the petitioner and the child lived together in the same household,
(3) the petitioner assumed obligations of parenthood without expectation of financial compensation, and
(4) the petitioner has been in a parental role for a length of time sufficient to have established with the child a bonded, dependent relationship, parental in nature.
In re Parentage of L.B., 121 Wn. App. at 487. In addition, recognition of a de facto parent is “limited to those adults who have fully and completely undertaken a permanent, unequivocal, committed, and responsible parental role in the child's life.” C.E.W., 845 A.2d at 1152. L.B., 155 Wn.2d at 708.
In addition, a de facto parent is not entitled to parental privileges, as a matter of right, but rather “only as is determined to be in the best interests of the child at the center of any such dispute.” L.B., 155 Wn.2d at 709.
www.nwwlc.org/difference/LGBT/documents/Parentage_of_L.B._decision.pdf[/size]
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Post by LovingFather on Mar 13, 2009 22:26:56 GMT -5
FramedFather & BertaSue, thank you so much for the feedback. I was very anxious to get any replies to my request. This will help me and it will help to get the ball rolling. It's always nice to think that there maybe a little hope out there. By the way, I'm in Pittsburgh, PA. Thanks again.
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Post by Jim on Mar 14, 2009 8:11:07 GMT -5
FramedFather & BertaSue, thank you so much for the feedback. I was very anxious to get any replies to my request. This will help me and it will help to get the ball rolling. It's always nice to think that there maybe a little hope out there. By the way, I'm in Pittsburgh, PA. Thanks again. never lose hope..............never surrender..........and never walk away from your daughter. I think your actually in a better place than most with your relationship with your daughter and just stay positive and keep trucking forward on your journey. It wouldn't hurt to seek out a support group in Penn, such as a parental rights group that is well educated in Penn code and procedure. Do your homework first before getting directly involved in any group though. Make sure they are legit and can help. Register on this talkboard and stop back every now and then and keep us updated on your progress or just stop back by to say hi. We would love to stay in touch with you and help you along the way with anything that we can.
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