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Post by IrrateGrandma on Nov 9, 2009 15:03:33 GMT -5
HI I haven't posted in quite sometime. But i am wondering if anybody on the board can help us. My son's baby is due at the end of Nov. (a result of a brief reconciliation). Although he has the other 2 children regularly, she is now telling him he won't be able to have the baby overnight (if it is his...there is a dna test that needs to be done.) She states that if he wants to see the baby he will have to come over to her house for a couple of hrs. I understand as a woman that breastfed my own children the importance of breastfeeding, however it was never a problem for her to pump her breast milk for overnight visits for the previous children to be babysat by both sets of grandparents when they wanted to go out when they were together. To that i feel that breastmilk is now being placed more important than a father himself. It is like oh ya screw the child needing and bonding with the father, breastmilk is more important. I am so sick of this type of B.S. that these women get away with. If you chose to leave your situation is no longer perfect, and that being said i think the mother's should be made to pump the milk if that is what is so important to them...besides in a less than perfect situation there is also a modern thing called formula. Why should the child be denied bonding with his father just because she has a pair of breasts! Sex discrimination is what it is!! If anybody here can direct me any info on this type of situation i would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks Irrate Grandma
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Post by Jim on Nov 9, 2009 15:45:55 GMT -5
Hi Irrate, Sounds like another excuse to me, a power control thing, she probably said it would also be a traumatic and devasting experience for the child to be separated from her to be with the father too, huh?
Of course its important for the baby to bond and breastfeed with the mother, yet at the same time it is important for this child to be held and bond with the father too. In a perfect world constant relationship with both parents on a daily basis is best, but we are far from living in a perfect world.
No ones asking her to pump a 50 gallon drum full and for him to keep the baby for weeks on end, sheesh. Even a 6 hour afternoon visit (father/child) alone time is extremely important, even if it is just a few times a week. I'm not an expert on these things, but damn, I do have common sense. Overnight visits and bonding should be given too if they are both fit and responsible.
Society has taught women/mothers that they can do whatever they want when it comes to father/child relationships even if its wrong and they will have the systems full support. They have also learned that if the father disagrees that they can easily have him jailed or thrown out of the house (with the systems full support). Society HAS taught women that fathers are less important than breastmilk.
Oh and by the way, when a woman wants to breatfeed in public, at work, or anywhere else she wants to she has that right to and if you disagree your guilty of discrimination. (read the human rights act) Yet when a woman/mother denies a father the right to bond or even see his children, its not called discrimination, its called "Mothers Rights".
Pertaining to your situation, whatever time he can get with this child should be taken advantage of. Some time is better than no time. Any contact whatsoever is a form of bonding, it sounds like he isn't going to get much more than what she allows. Same ole story I hear everyday..................I hope for the best in a less than perfect situation and that this child grows being able to bond and grow with the father in their life one way or another.
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Post by IrrateGrandma on Nov 9, 2009 16:14:25 GMT -5
In our particular situation, this woman has taken and taken and taken. People need to start realizing that these types of women (ya i'll be brave enough to call them feminists) are taking a toll not only on our children and grandchildren, but every tax payer in Canada and the United States. Our low income housing here in Canada is plugged full of single moms ( in my day it was married couples that needed it)...they get, get, and get somemore...while our men that are usually earn more than her get stung stung and stung. My son has struggled financially since she decided she wasn't happy ( of course everything is about her = SELF CENTERED and how everything should go so that her life is as normal as possible. I bravely state in the 8 month period of reconciliation that it was her sole purpose to get pregnant with a third child (even though on the pill) to ensure her financial future and purchase a home via child support ! In her silly little mind she thinks she has secured her future mortgage payment for the next 20 or so years ( i just don't know what the silly broad would do if my son was hit by a bus unexpectedly). She gets all the tax breaks, child tax credit, low income housing to hoard her money and expects my son to move into a basement suite if he can't afford to keep to homes....WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU...she doesn't give one crap where those children live when they are with their father.
Irrate Grandma.....
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Post by Harrison on Nov 10, 2009 11:00:20 GMT -5
Irrate, There's a article on the framed fathers blog. "A woman's prospective" it's good and correct piece. My ex left our two kids with me and took off for a couple of years, only showing up a hand full of times. I finally got tired of it and used the system but even though she had abandoned the kids it was still a fight. In the end I did get custody, she still tried other methods to get custody such as several false reports to CPS and on and on. I never tried to stop her from contact with the kids, but in retrospect there was a few times maybe I should've, but now I'm glad I didn't. Because even though the kids love their mom, they see here for who she is. They watched as she tried to keep their half sister from her father (a good man) and now that my kids are older realise what could've been. About a year ago my daughter run off to her moms' house and it only took a couple of month before she came flyin' back home. In your sons situation a DNA test is a good place to start for all of the kids. I would hope he settles for a parenting plan with nothing less than shared parenting. They can't make him sign anything he doesn't agree with and to limit a good parents time they are supposed to have a reason. Not that it's ever stop the courts before so best of luck to your family.
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Post by IrrateGrandma on Nov 10, 2009 13:14:56 GMT -5
Harrison I read her article. Very good, i am glad another woman has spoken up and said it!! You are right in saying the children eventually figure out the evils of the other parent and what they pull. Of course it then effects the children. It is about time these types of women pull their heads out of their rears and realize that the her own children will in time figure it all out , then sadly she ends up with children that will resent her. These types of women usually walk around with their heads held high, getting away with horrible things, robbing their own children of their right to a relationship with their father and usually the fathers extended family.
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Post by goodhusbandfather on Feb 14, 2010 21:47:13 GMT -5
Right, and society encourages them - endorses them. Almost all fathers I know would never want a divorce, but women seem to be encouraged by the social system. I think that things should change - and joint custody with NO CHILD SUPPORT is the answer. People should be encouraged to WORK TOGETHER to solve their problems, instead of depending upon a system.
I wanted to work things out with my wife, but she refused counseling. Now she is rewarded with child support. I never cheated - hit or threatened her and there are no grounds for divorce and so she must wait for 1 year after separation to claim abandonment. It is really sad and now I realize that SHE is seeing another man. Other woman have approached me but I am so sick of them - they are all single moms who probably did the same thing to their husbands - I am so uninterested. All I ever wanted was to be a responsible, loving and caring father and husband - now I am cheated out of that task.
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Post by Jim on Feb 15, 2010 8:50:58 GMT -5
Right, and society encourages them - endorses them. Almost all fathers I know would never want a divorce, but women seem to be encouraged by the social system. I think that things should change - and joint custody with NO CHILD SUPPORT is the answer. People should be encouraged to WORK TOGETHER to solve their problems, instead of depending upon a system. I wanted to work things out with my wife, but she refused counseling. Now she is rewarded with child support. I never cheated - hit or threatened her and there are no grounds for divorce and so she must wait for 1 year after separation to claim abandonment. It is really sad and now I realize that SHE is seeing another man. Other woman have approached me but I am so sick of them - they are all single moms who probably did the same thing to their husbands - I am so uninterested. All I ever wanted was to be a responsible, loving and caring father and husband - now I am cheated out of that task. Yeah, in these types of situations it is never fair to anyone, especially the children. The children have no say so what so ever and are forced (by many entities) to grow up without one parent, usually the father. It's not even fair to the vindictive and spiteful parent who gets full custody and alienates the children from the other parent who wishes to remain in the process of raising their children. The custodial parent in many cases is creating more problems for themselves by "playing along" with the agenda of this ridiculous game of alienation without even caring that keeping the other parent involved will make their life easier in the raising of the children...... I sometimes just sit in awe when I think about all of the unnecessary conflict going on in custody situations and the pain it causes the children....
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Post by LindaMarie on Feb 15, 2010 19:31:17 GMT -5
I hope there will be a DNA test. It is the single most important legal tool a unwed Father can have. I agree it is the Children that suffer in the current world we live in. If a Man is good enough to lay down with does that make him a good Father? No. However any Father that wants to help Parent his children (minus child abuse or neglect histories) he should be allowed. It is a right. I bite my tongue a lot so my Granddaughter has both of her Parents in her life. Katie loves her Parents and I would never deny her a relationship with them. Because I love Katie I do make this happen. Parents have become so selfish. Take the Gabriel Johnson story. Or the other Fathers I have come to known whose children were kidnapped by their own Mothers. It makes me so mad.
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Post by rightsfathers on Apr 9, 2010 14:48:20 GMT -5
DNA test ASAP! Then file with the Court for joint custody. Arm yourself with good self help material so you can 'guide' your attorney, as they typically need it. Use the custody/visitation arrangement with the other children as an example. Best of luck to you!
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