mess in progress please help

[nickt02ls]

This is my first post, I read some others and seems like a lot from GA. I will try this anyway. I live in NY and became unemployed in November. I am in the very hard hit automotive industry. So I filed for a reduction in child support to match my now income of 400 a week unemployment. My support is 309 a week. So this pissed the ex off and a week later she files a BS violation of visitation saying I do not let the kids play their sports and do extra curricular activities. Back in June 2009 we had a verbal agreement by emails that they would not do these activities on my visitation weekends which is every other weekend Friday night to Sunday afternoon. Something I should mention is that we live 2 hours apart, and her using up my visitation time was getting out of hand. Now, to me I should be the one filing a violation of visitation since she takes it upon herself to put the kids in these activities, go on vacations ect. during my visitation time, and hands me a bill. SO I go to court in December and she has a lawyer who pulls some BS and gets it postponed, My ex also filed to have my petition to lower the support move to her county 2 hours from me and of course they grant it. So another 2 hour ride in Jan to have it again postponed, feb. same answer, March same answer. So now I have another court date in April and her and the lawyer;
1) filed to have me pay her lawyer fees,
2) have the kids keep doing their activities and basically whatever they want on my visitation time
3) Have my obligated amount due for extra curricular activities have no limit, right now it is set at 250 per kid per year
4) have the reduction request denied because the lawyer said I am showing a pattern, last year I was out of work for 5 weeks and had the child support reduced during that time
5) Trying to say that I am making money at a friends shop on weekends when I am there working on my car and families cars, there is no income.

I am getting attacked heavily and know the end result unless someone has some good advice.

This is putting a dampener on me finding a job for 1 thing, for another as bad as it sounds I am ready to give up visitation in the hopes that it is one less thing she can try to say I am violating even though I am not.

Right now my arrears is $1300.00, got a letter saying they are going to contact the credit agencies, I cant afford a lawyer, right now I have a public defender assigned to me, but If I get a job which I am trying hard to do they will yank that from me.

To me I see jail coming, and not a place I want to be, but without money, guess what. I am in a relationship with someone I have been living with for 3 years and I don't think this is fair to her either. If not for my feelings towards her I think I would have tried to leave the country, that seems the only way because as I mentioned I have no money, my credit cards are run up just trying to pay bills.

Any advice would be much appreciated. I also was wondering if there are any civil actions I could take against her for harassment or anything??? I am fed up, it is really getting to me the way I am getting attacked. All I wanted was is to get my kids every other weekend like I am supposed to and have my support modified to 25 percent of my now pay of 400 a week. I obviously cant pay 309 a week when making 400 a week.

I keep searching the internet only to keep getting disappointed with seeing the same result over and over, I am basically screwed!!!!!!!!!!

[Jim]

None of this is ever fair to anyone, except the custodial parent of course. Your ex is a low-life who does not care about how your children will feel when (by her efforts) the system destroys you and forces you out of their lives completely. Then the witch will probably tell them that your nothing but a deadbeat loser who never cared about them anyways. This shit is so common its pathetic. Your story is so common its pathetic. I'm sorry this is happening to you and hundreds of other fathers that I am familiar with.

You have two options; stop fighting and dissapear out of your childrens life or keep fighting and maybe you will outlast the ex and her lawyers pathetic BS abuse.

You need to be the one filing contempts and lawsuits against everyone you can thats involved. The public defender won't do this as they are part of the problem. You need to get educated in your state code & procedures, paralegal process and forms, and take charge and hammer back and do this pro se.

What they are doing is making you just go away and taking everything they can from you while they can before you turn into a number in a jail cell. You need to start filing everything possible against these idiots and slow this down some. Make them see you will not go down without a fight. First thing you need to do is find someone familiar with your state procedures and codes to help you file this crap and get rid of the worthless peice of crap attorney you have. Believe me, this attorney you have will not help much as they are just a part of the criminal system that is destroying you. You need to jump in head first and show these idiots they have a fight on their hands...........

[Jim]

PS: sorry to sound so blunt and negative, but I feel you understand the possible and most likely scenereo and destiny if you don't fight back. You may end up jailed anyways, but atleast in your soul you will know you did everything you could. This is an evil system and they will back your ex as you have learned already.

[TheFilez]

I felt like leaving the country but I cannot imagine being away from my kids so I stay and fight. We need your voice and story. I can imagine all the once great dads that have been forgotten and now come more new fathers that are uneducated to this discraceful unconstitutional machine called the law. People from the outside do not see the men dieing and the families broken due to this discusting machine that is broken. We need to fix it NOW. $30k per year, per inmate makes no sense; they would rather pay for prison then to keep a father out and pay what is reasonable, they know this but the dumb asses in the court still makes dumbass discisions, and that is what is running the machine, DUMB ASSES..Also you can see how the other parent does not give a S%*@ and does what is wrong, they are the abusers, they ruin lives, not dads.

[Chrem88]

Mar 19, 2010 21:55:07 GMT -5 nickt02ls said:

This is my first post, I read some others and seems like a lot from GA. I will try this anyway. I live in NY and became unemployed in November. I am in the very hard hit automotive industry. So I filed for a reduction in child support to match my now income of 400 a week unemployment. My support is 309 a week. So this pissed the ex off and a week later she files a BS violation of visitation saying I do not let the kids play their sports and do extra curricular activities. Back in June 2009 we had a verbal agreement by emails that they would not do these activities on my visitation weekends which is every other weekend Friday night to Sunday afternoon. Something I should mention is that we live 2 hours apart, and her using up my visitation time was getting out of hand. Now, to me I should be the one filing a violation of visitation since she takes it upon herself to put the kids in these activities, go on vacations ect. during my visitation time, and hands me a bill. SO I go to court in December and she has a lawyer who pulls some BS and gets it postponed, My ex also filed to have my petition to lower the support move to her county 2 hours from me and of course they grant it. So another 2 hour ride in Jan to have it again postponed, feb. same answer, March same answer. So now I have another court date in April and her and the lawyer;
1) filed to have me pay her lawyer fees,
2) have the kids keep doing their activities and basically whatever they want on my visitation time
3) Have my obligated amount due for extra curricular activities have no limit, right now it is set at 250 per kid per year
4) have the reduction request denied because the lawyer said I am showing a pattern, last year I was out of work for 5 weeks and had the child support reduced during that time
5) Trying to say that I am making money at a friends shop on weekends when I am there working on my car and families cars, there is no income.

I am getting attacked heavily and know the end result unless someone has some good advice.

This is putting a dampener on me finding a job for 1 thing, for another as bad as it sounds I am ready to give up visitation in the hopes that it is one less thing she can try to say I am violating even though I am not.

Right now my arrears is $1300.00, got a letter saying they are going to contact the credit agencies, I cant afford a lawyer, right now I have a public defender assigned to me, but If I get a job which I am trying hard to do they will yank that from me.

To me I see jail coming, and not a place I want to be, but without money, guess what. I am in a relationship with someone I have been living with for 3 years and I don't think this is fair to her either. If not for my feelings towards her I think I would have tried to leave the country, that seems the only way because as I mentioned I have no money, my credit cards are run up just trying to pay bills.

Any advice would be much appreciated. I also was wondering if there are any civil actions I could take against her for harassment or anything??? I am fed up, it is really getting to me the way I am getting attacked. All I wanted was is to get my kids every other weekend like I am supposed to and have my support modified to 25 percent of my now pay of 400 a week. I obviously cant pay 309 a week when making 400 a week.

I keep searching the internet only to keep getting disappointed with seeing the same result over and over, I am basically screwed!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for not reply to this thread.Cause i been busy with my ex.However i live in ny and the first question i have for you.

Is what county do you live in?


After that i will do some research and try to get some info on what u can do and then we can go from there.I am not a lawyer are a paralegal but i will try my best to help you.No father needs to be going thru this shit ever,Just keep your head man.